In the interest of cooking up something special for next week, I'm making a short post today. This will save me some of the work time I normally spend on this blog so that I can get ahead of myself, and thus finish something a bit more thoughtful than:
Answers to Great Questions
Every so often, I ponder one of life's big questions, or failing that someone will ask me one of life's big questions. This usually happens over several quarts of gin, but sometimes I'm sober enough to remember them, as is the case today.
1. In the song "I Would do Anything for Love (but I won't do that)," what is the "that" to which Meatloaf refers?
Answer: Meatloaf will not take off his shower cap. In the video for the song, "Meatloaf" appears to be wearing a great deal of prosthetic makeup as if to express a demonic or satanic aspect - in fact, the monstrous subtext was an afterthought as the makeup artist tried to conceal the fact that the producers gave the part to Meatloaf's stunt double. Meatloaf did not take off his shower cap until it was time to appear in David Fincher's 1999 hit movie Fight Club, but by then everyone had just come to think of the stunt double as Meatloaf, and so it didn't matter. The stunt double's name is, in fact, Robert Paulson, and he really was shot in the back of the head during filming, but in a completely unrelated incident to the death of the character he played (he and Jared Leto were going for the same bagel). Since Mr. Paulson's untimely demise, Meatloaf has resumed all normal Meatloaf-related duties.
2. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?
Answer: You can fuck right off.
3. Jay-Z and Rihanna plan to "run this town tonight." What does that mean?
Answer: Tired of the incessant bickering of the ineffectual and corrupt city council, Jay -Z and Rehanna wrote 2009's hit "Run this Town Tonight" as the anthem for their co-operative campaigns for city comptroller and city sanitation commissioner (Jay Z and Rihanna respectively) of Kokomo, Indiana. As comptroller, Jay-Z will be responsible for overseeing the Accounts Receivable and Payable departments and for streamlining all book keeping processes, and as sanitation commissioner, Rihanna will have the responsibility of negotiating contracts between the city and various private sanitation contractors, maximizing the efficiency of trash and recycling pick-up routes, and phasing out the few remaining civic sanitation employees in favor of those same private-sector contractors. As the sanitation and comptroller offices work closely together, it looks like this dynamic hip-hop duo is getting ready for another hot single in 2010: a cleaner, more fiscally responsible Kokomo.
4. Where's the Links?
Answer: As I pretty much learned everything I know about blogging from the now defunct Suck.com, I'd planned to rely on links as digressive and / or informative content and funny sideways comments. As I've gone through the archives, I'm seeing more and more broken links. From this point forward, expect a lot less underlined text in this blog.
5. In "That's Not my Name" by the Ting Tings, the lead singer never says what her name is. While we know it's not her, or girl, or Joleisa, we never get the goods. What is it?
Answer: The lead singer of the Ting Tings, in a daring if miscalculated effort to connect to wallflowers everywhere, penned the band's seminal ode to passive-aggressive self non-assertion in 2008, planning to say to the listener "Hey, I may not be much, but you're calling me by the wrong name - call me by the right name, or I will continue to not catch balls thrown at me and also not be popular, which is also what I'll do if you call me by the right name." However, midway through the song the singer realized that she had no intention of telling anyone her real name, which is Nachos Bell Grande Smith, but by then the band had already done their arrangements and booked studio time, so they just ran with what they had
That wraps up this post regarding great unanswered questions. If you yourself have a great question, post it in the comments or email it to me: vytautas at vytautasmalesh dot com.
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