Ain't No Cure for the Wintertime Blues - Coping with Michigan Living

It's that time of year when everyone pretty much starts sinking into the frosty gray hell of seasonal depression.  Some Michiganders see the first cloud of December and dream of opening a vein, while those with truly remarkable fortitude hold out all the way until March before they trade in their street clothes for a bath robe, their coffee for cheap gin, and anything resembling a healthy and engaged social life for endless hours of muted sobbing into a snotty old pillow, interrupted only by intermittent stretches of hopeless staring at an empty wall.

Still, most people really start to conk out around February.  It's a short month, a cold month, and a month with god-damned Valentine's day smack dab in the middle of it, so while anybody with somebody can at least trade chocolates for sex, everyone else gets big puke-pink reminders of how alone they are, how alone they will be, and how even in the cold, cold grave they will be utterly alone.

And I, for one, like this time of year.  Not in a face value sort of way.  It's not like I have some magic formula for making happiness and sunshine out of gloom and depression.  No, I get the doldrums like everyone else.  This year's been pretty mild on me because, if you ask me for my super-scientific opinion, I'm probably still full of Las Vegas sunshine and so the effects of prolonged sunlight deprivation haven't quite caught up with me yet.

Plus I eat a lot of carbs.  That helps.

But I like this time of year because it's a rest.  It's a snooze. The harder you try to push, the more tired you become, and so eventually you do give in, relax, rest, and enjoy the creature comforts of a warm bath robe and some cheap grocery store gin.  You can take a hot bath and buy yourself something nice, and the gray dead of winter is the perfect time to do all of this. This is only time to start a new project insofar as that project be fun, distracting, and devour massive amounts of time.

I, for example, have started up a new D&D campaign, and my Warhammer 40k orks are coming along nicely.

It's very, very important, to not give in to this sort of weather and the feelings it creates.  Easier said than done, because in my experience, the winter blues are all about giving up and giving in.  It's a damned hopeless and helpless feeling for which the only answer seems to be staying in bed all day.

Fight, my fellow michiganders!  Let me show you how.

Step 1 - Give up just a little bit of ground.  Go ahead, eat some fatty snacks and spend a day in bed.  You may very well need the rest.  This time of year, bosses are pushing everyone to make up for the "lost productivity" of the holidays, and so maybe you're under undue strain.  You may genuinely be fatigued, so take a day off and indulge yourself. Remember, A Day, not February. 


Step 2 - Now that you're a lump-loaf butter fatty who stayed around the house all weekend eating bon-bons and fatly getting fat in your fat house while feeling sorry for himself, remember that since you are well rested and well fed, you have the raw material to be physically active.  No, don't go to the gym and get on the treadmill - did that work for you when your New Year's Resolution was to get in shape?  No, it did not.  Walking on the treadmill is boring, and unless you've got very specific goals, fitness clubs are boring too.  It's winter - walking outside is hard exercise.  Shoveling snow will make you break a sweat.  Skiing and ice skating await! 


Step 3 - Fight the feeling every day.  Seasonal depression may augment and trigger regular old mental illness disease depression, and if that's the case you should see a doctor.  For most of us, it's a funk, a mood, and a general hibernatory drop in energy.  You can rally against it - you can refuse to go gentle into that good night!  You can grab the bull by the horns and fuck it in its skull!  No, you won't be as spry and lively as you would be in the middle of July, drinking beers on the boat and swimming in the lake, but you can at least refuse to sit around all day in a La-Z-Boy eating cheetos and smelling your own farts.


Step 4 - Now that you're well-rested, physically fit, and you have some manner of your old confidence and spirit back, you may rest assured that you are a sexy mother fucker who is ready to take on the world.  Look at all the sad sacks around you:  you're more cheerful, you have more energy, and you look better.  By sheer force of will you have kicked winter's ass - let that happy thought carry you through Spring!

A lot of this advice sounds like me yelling "SNAP OUT OF IT" which is easier said than done, and it doesn't help that except for the rest and exercise portion, I didn't give any specific advice, especially for Step 3, which is basically the hardest.  Here's what keeps me going:


Right around Memorial Day, my dad puts his boat in the water.  On the boat, one wears a swimsuit.  I gained about 30 lbs. during grad school, and I no longer look as good in a bathing suit as I did.  I now train with a heavy bag, jump rope, and calisthenics 3 days a week to remedy this.  I think of green trees, blue water, hot sun, cold beer, suntans, and sand bars.  These things are not abstract - this is not a picture of Hawaii on my cubicle wall and a promise that someday I'll go to hawaii!  - it is a real thing that is going to happen, and soon, and it's something I can make practical steps to prepare for. 

That's the real trick, I think - remembering that this is only temporary.  It will soon be green and warm - unbearably hot, even - and no matter how gray and dreadful the winter, summer will really be here before you know it.  In the meantime, try to enjoy this season of short days and perfect excuses to stay home and read, write, and rest.  Seek the company of good friends, and keep yourself busy.