Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Oh Yeah, Likely Story

Look, I don't want to blame recent heavy snowfall for a skipped update, except that I'm going to blame recent heavy snowfall for a skipped update.  Follow the reasoning here:

1) For fear of being snowed in, I had to go buy groceries because had I not bought groceries yesterday, and the snow had accumulated up to the 14 inches some weather people had predicted, the door would probably be jammed shut with drifted snow and even if it hadn't, my super powerful Toyota Carolla (more like toy crayola, amirite?  No?  Not working?) would have just pulled 2 feet backwards and spun its wheels in the middle of the sidewalk. 



 The view outside my house for the last 24 hours

That grocery trip in turn took twice as long as normal because, as I've mentioned before,  despite getting hella snow in the frozen north of Michigan, EVERYBODY forgets how to fucking drive.  Thus Woodward and 11 mile became veritable skating rinks of death, or at the very least, slush piles of stupid.

2) For some reason, I did not receive email for the better part of yesterday.  I don't know that this can be blamed on the snow, but I'll just assume a wire got knocked down by a heavy drift, and thus no email.  This means that in turn I did not get the very important files i was expecting, and IN TURN wound up with way more work in way less time than I should have expected. 

 
Me carrying groceries up the steps. 



3) I also had to buy a webcam and a dish rack.  I went and bought these before I found that www.sexydishracksluts.com is already owned by a cayman islands trading firm, so now I have a dishrack and a webcam.  I can at least now wash dishes and teleconference with work, which I needed to do anyway, but my hopes and dreams of becoming a dot-com billionaire are now dashed forever.

Someone took the time to draw and color that.

Also, see aforementioned point regarding snowy slushy death roads - that was just as true on the way to K-Mart as it was to Trader Joes.  Also, I got charged twice for a bottle of white glue (you don't think those money shots are real, do you?), and the extremely distracted clerk not only double charged me, but also forgot to wipe the security tag on said webcam, and so I had to spend another 20 precious minutes waiting for the arthritic senior citizen security guard to check my bag while in the meantime about 10 young hoodlums just walked, pockets bursting, right through the now deactivated security gate.

4) After spinning and sliding through the streets of Royal Oak and Berkley, having spent more money than I safely could, and after finally returning home (I'd also worked out, so I was pretty tired), I pretty much only wanted to drink the pain away, so that's exactly what I did.  I played M.U.L.E. with my buddy J-Vizzle and chatted with the incomparable Miss Stacey while downing a bottle of two-buck chuck. 


It only costs 3 dollars, but I swear it could pass for 4. 

Anyway, enjoy this non-update.  I ought to have more time and better ideas on Friday.  Thanks for being patient.  Or, you know, go pound sand if you don't like it.  Either way. 

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