Go ahead and keep trying - you're not hearing it right in your head. It's this supremely dorky little sing-song thing that's been an inside joke with my family for something like 20 years. It comes to mind now because I have a job interview at 10:30 this morning (technically 10:45, but the guy kind of flip-flopped on the time once or twice, so I'm just showing up at 10:30 and bringing a crossword or something).
Dah-daaaa, da-da-da-da-dah, da-da-dah-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-dahhhh
So if this post runs a little short, pardon me - I'm drinking extra coffee, putting on my best suit, and practicing saying things like "Absolutely, I think it's important to make the company's mission my own" and also "I have no problem going the extra mile for a client." While I do think these things are important bits of, if nothing else, esprit de corps, they don't really drive home what makes a good worker.
I'd like to mention in my interview that I have a pathological aversion to eating other people's food from the shared fridge. I don't care how good you allege that it is, other people eat weird food. I just get this nauseating sort of system shock when I see that someone packed, say, a salami sandwich and then put sprigs of cilantro on it, or that they made it with pumpernickel bread. You people weird me out, and by you people I mean all of you people. You disgust me.
It very clearly had my name on it
As for my other assets as an employee: I rarely remove my shoes at work even though I dislike wearing shoes. I am not getting married anytime soon so I will not come to your cubicle and bore you with my obnoxious wedding tedium (also: not a chick). I do not have kids, so you can be sure that I'll probably have interesting stories to tell on Monday that do not involve little league, doodie, or renting a new Veggie Tales video.
On the other hand, employers often ask for your weaknesses, and I have more than my share of those. I'm a writer, which means that in addition to getting the usual blue-funk streaks of melancholy one associates with the art, I also maintain the hope (fragile that it is) that one of my books or stories will run away wildly and the closest anyone will get to two week's notice is seeing my mug flipping you the bird on Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous which I'm just assuming is still on the air. Also, you know, "I work to hard," or "I care too much," or something like that.
A writer? What's that? Also, you totally just read this in my voice.
So wish me luck! If this ending seems premature, mea culpa - I've got to go finish shining my shoes and cleaning my nails. It's time to get into interview mode and put on a bit of that razzle-dazzle. If you should be so inclined, come back later in the day (around 12:00 EST or so) and I will update this post with my impressions of the interview - could be something good, could be something bad, but either way, you'll get all the minutiae of my life right here at SSS!
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